Election Day happened recently, the time of year when we get to do our civic duty, assuming you’ve survived the unrelenting barrage of political advertising.
Much of the banter has revolved around a four-letter acronym that became one of the most politically divisive aspects of recent American voting history: MAGA. Whether you love or hate "Make America Great Again" isn’t what polarizes us—it's more of if you’re head-over-heels enamored with the acronym or despise it with every core of your being.
I certainly have an opinion, but I’ve become very frustrated by the exponentially escalating vitriol surrounding it. Like most political discourse, there’s little nuance involved between the two sides, often resembling a zoo exhibit of primates hurling feces at one another. It's just a big, ugly mess.
I’d love if we could find some less divisive alternatives on which we can all come together to make great again, and by doing so, maybe not necessarily form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, and promote the general Welfare, but at least turn down the volume:
MOSVaGA: Remember when summer used to be bookended by holidays, stretching from the end of May to early September? Those vacation breaks, to quote Bryan Adams, seemed to last forever. Now, teachers here report back in July. You’re supposed to be on the road traveling to a beach during the summer’s hottest month, not a school. We need our summer vacations back.
MASGA: Alicia Silverstone was great in Clueless—you could even say she was, like, totally great. And she made some infamous Aerosmith music videos. And… well… she was so great in Clueless and was in those infamous Aerosmith videos—it’s time to see her excel again.
MAFGA: Smart phones are the modern-day King Midas of technology. They make life so much easier, efficient and accessible with instant information. However, they are responsible for so much of what ails the world today, and will probably bring about the end of it. I miss the analog flip-phone. Let’s bring it back somehow, other than starting a social media campaign around the idea.
MABAFGA: I’ve about given up on college football. It’s always the same couple of teams in the end, with a lying, Napoleonic tyrant leading a squad that either wins yet another title or loses in the championship game. Let’s generate some parity so that it’s anyone but Alabama football holding the trophy in the end—we’ve fortunately achieved MOTOONEGA in the NFL (other teams outside of New England not named the Miami Dolphins, that is).
MOOGA: Sure, Ozzy is well past his prime. I honestly don’t know how he’s even alive. But I really like the acronym, and if we can have 70+-year-old presidents, we can all get onboard for one last ride on the crazy train to see the Prince of Darkness get back to metal-making, reality TV-starring greatness again.
MaCSGA: More than anything on the list, I’d say we most need this. Our society has become void of Common Sense. Being impassioned takes precedence over being reasonable. Canceling is championed over consideration and compassion. Both sides of the aisle and tribal communities everywhere are guilty of these missteps. We need this common sense idea to become sufficiently fashionable and procure general favor.
Let’s come together as a nation and make these things happen!
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