Nothing pulls harder on the nostalgia strings than holiday traditions. Some of our Christmas and Thanksgiving routines originated with our immediate family. Others are rooted in what parents and grandparents did during our childhoods. A favorite shared rite of most is watching the holiday movies and specials we loved as kids. It can also be a reminder of how breaking with tradition can be a good thing.
I’m not sure how my generation escaped unscathed from some of the troublesome things we viewed in our youth. The unsettling aspects were forgotten (or perhaps blocked from memory) by me when I thought it a good idea to share these holiday relics with my own kids, leading me to frantically grab for the remote to remove the horrors from their shock-filled eyes.
As a holiday gift, here’s a public service announcement on these unsettling holiday specials...
Almost Anything Rankin Bass – This deserves its own special category:
*Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer – The terrifying Bumble prevented my children from sleeping all snug in their beds, and nearly every North Pole creature is shamefully shallow and cruel.
*Santa Claus is Coming to Town – Depicts child abuse and one of the creepiest musical numbers ever.
*The Year Without a Santa Claus – Features a depressed/disgruntled Santa, gun violence against Elves, and Rudolph threatened with being euthanized.
*The Little Drummer Boy – Straight up portrays (spoiler alert) desert bandits slaughtering the pint-sized percussionist’s parents in front of his eyes, including HIS FATHER GETTING STABBED TO DEATH AND HIS MOTHER BEING BURNED ALIVE IN THEIR HOME. No really, I’m serious. Then after becoming an orphan (spoiler alert) his best friend Baba, a little lamb, gets run over by a Roman chariot during the poignant Nativity scene. Talk about silent night, deadly night!
Poison of the Peanuts Gang – I don’t want to take anything away from Snoopy and friends. The Great Pumpkin and A Charlie Brown Christmas are amazing classics. But wow, these kids are bullies to Charlie Brown. Lucy borders on being sociopathic, especially when football is involved. Peppermint Pattie is a narcissist. Pig Pen is patient zero for the next pandemic. And Woodstock… despite his cute little exclamation chirping and how his fluttering leaves adorable floating dash marks in his wake… is a horrifying cannibal.
Frosty the Snowman – The jolly, happy soul gets murdered over a magic hat by the nefarious, mustached Professor Hinkle as poor little distraught Karen helplessly watches. Sure, Frosty comes back, but Karen was probably forever traumatized.
And then the lesser known, but perhaps most horrifying:
The Smurfs Christmas Special – Starring Satan! (or maybe Krampus?) Child abduction and sacrificial rituals! Death by Carols!
Happy holidays? More like disturbing December depictions. Are these shows just the cross-pollinization of the Hallogivingsmas season, long before it was portrayed with Jack Skellington's adventure? Maybe we should all just watch the Yule Log on TV instead?
Or perhaps we just accept that, like real life, the holidays aren't perfect. And we take in the dysfunction and flaws and trials and tribulations of this entertainment together with those closest to us to get an even clearer picture of why we all need the redemptive reason of this season... Except for that desert murder spree scene... It's probably best left in the past.
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