They come around every so often... Fitness trends that become all the rage, making us shell out money for classes, videos, and equipment, but aren’t necessarily healthy. Especially at the start of a New Year, before resolutions of getting in shape are broken.
Remember Tai Bo? That cardio quasi-boxing and kung fu routine that Billy Banks created to make us feel in shape and that we could defend ourselves from danger? We gave our VHS copies away at a White Elephant Christmas party (they were under appreciated).
A more recent hipster exercise trend is something called Goga. Not to be confused with Gogurt, which is sort of on the health spectrum. Or Gaga, who probably knows a few pretty good cardio-inspired dance routines. Goga is Goat Yoga. If not already obvious of what this involves… It’s yoga. With goats. And my wife has experienced it.
Apparently, someone was contorting themselves with downward dog and kapotasana poses on a farm somewhere out West, when a goat came by. The yogi probably thought the “baaaas…" mixed well with the “ohmmmmms…” that sometimes accompany the body and mind-stretching routine. And the goat must have thought the farming yogi in a plank position looked like a good perch and hopped atop their back. It was a match made in heaven. Or nirvana, since we’re talking namaste stuff here.
As for how it caught on and spread across the nation? That remains a mystery. But it has me thinking of what the next big fitness/animal combo could be.
CrossFit involves some of the fittest people around. But it’s intimidating, especially for those who aren’t really in shape but want to leave their slothful lifestyle behind. So how about Sloss-Fit? (Or maybe Croth-Fit?) Who wouldn’t feel comforted by the calming presence of a sloth draped around your neck while banging out three sets of 30 push-ups, followed by 20 intense minutes on the elliptical before collapsing into pile of slothy, soothing exhaustion? Not to mention how much you'll sweat with those lovable, furry things wrapped around you.
How about Squin Class? Wrap yourself in squid tentacles to experience therapeutic, deep pressure squeezes while spinning into oblivion. Entanglement with the pedals could be problematic, but it would be a non-lethal survival of the fittest kind of Squid Game.
Or Catzercize? Resurrect that totally 80s fitness prancing around with felines? On second thought, it sounds a little nightmarish and reminiscent of the movie Cats. Plus, cats are pretty divisive. Jazz, too. So maybe not a good idea.
I think SafarIron Man might have some legs. Imagine swimming, biking and running across a 140-mile course with a crocodile tailing you in the water, a chasing cheetah while on your bike, and a hungry hyena stalking you during the marathon portion. Forget the fitness coach. The motivation from these safari creatures would certainly push you past personal records.
I’m not sure what animal-based fitness rage is next, but any animal related routine like goat yoga seems like a baa—sorry, I’ll skip the awful pun and just say things like Goga are probably best avoided (and maybe blog posts like this one).
Except maybe Snoxing. Sparring with a cobra might really catch on in this age of extreme fitness athletes. Especially if someone doing the fighting knows how to strike first, strike hard with no mercy.
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